You and your partner decided to ditch the big wedding plans and plan to elope instead. But, now you have to figure out how to tell your family that you want to elope. How are you going to tell them? How do you expect they will react to your decision? Here are the methods I suggest in telling your family and friends that you plan to elope!
As an elopement photographer, I get your heart that desires an adventurous elopement. At the same time, you’re not eloping to avoid having your family and friends by your side on your wedding day. Whether you’ve already made wedding plans and are switching to an elopement or you’re starting from scratch, we can make this happen!
I’m here to help you figure out how to tell your family you’re eloping while avoiding hurt feelings or offending family members who want to be a part of your wedding day.
Explaining to Your Family Why You’ve Chosen To Elope
One myth about elopements that I love to bust is that elopements are only for those who want to run away and get married in Vegas or at the courthouse. Making a plan to elope has so much more meaning today than how it’s been defined in the past.
Couples choose to elope because they want a day where they can experience an intimate wedding without the unnecessary parts of big traditional weddings. Eloping is for couples who want an authentic and unique wedding experience truly focused on their love and commitment to one another. This is the point you want to get across to your friends and family!
Start by sitting down with your family and explaining what planning an elopement means to you. Give them your honest thoughts and opinions explaining why having a cookie-cutter wedding just doesn’t feel like you. You can pull from my own Top 10 Reasons to Elope to speak from your heart and happiness:
Once you’ve explained the reasoning behind your choices, they will likely be more open to your planned elopement. Be open, kind, honest and respectful of their response to your choice. Remember, despite how they respond, it is your wedding day and you deserve to have it the way you want!
How to Tell Friends & Family of Your Plan to Elope
There are many options for who, what, and when to tell or NOT tell friends and family about your elopement plan. Once you’ve decided, start hinting as early as possible to warm others up to the idea that you’re considering going an alternative route. You can restrict who to tell beforehand to either your closest friends and family, or only those who would support this decision–whoever that may be!
OPTION #1 Make it a Surprise
One way to avoid encountering anyone who may become offended about your plan to elope is to tell no one! You can keep your elopement a secret where it’s an event just between you and your partner. You can then use the photos and video from your elopement to send out “we eloped” announcements afterwards! Or you can throw a backyard engagement party or casual hangout-turned-wedding-reception where you surprise everyone with an announcement that you eloped!
Did you know that some couples will even do a surprise wedding at either an engagement party or other event? It’s wild!
OPTION #2 Make a Formal Announcement
EXAMPLE: Marina & Blake’s Zero-Guest Elopement
Marina and Blake had a “just us” elopement day and followed that up with “we eloped” announcements. They also held a post-elopement gathering with their closest friends and family. These two started their intimate day by getting ready together and writing vows side by side in their hotel.
Their elopement planning took us to the Grand Canyon where they shared a first look and had a private ceremony. They were then joined by Blake’s closest friend as one of their witnesses who signed the marriage license! After enjoying a small picnic, they found the perfect end to a relaxing day with a first dance during sunset.
Gracefully Responding to Push Back on Your Elopement Plans
Below are some examples of responses you can provide when friends and family question your plan to elope!
EXAMPLE #1 I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want us at your wedding, we’re family, don’t you care?
“Of course we care, but we don’t see an invite to our wedding as the definition of whether or not we care about someone. The day is about the two of us making a life-long commitment to each other. Even though our plans are a little non-traditional, we feel that it best represents us and how we want to start our life together.”
EXAMPLE #2 I can’t believe you would cut us out like this. We don’t want to have anything to do with you two if this is how we will be treated.
“We respect your feelings, but in no way is our elopement choice a decision that we’ve made in order to push you away. You are important to us and our lives and that’s why we’re excited to share this news with you. We would love it if you could be involved in some other way!”
Some family members may get upset that you’re wanting to have a non-traditional wedding. But, the reality is that it’s about your wedding day and your happiness, not theirs. If they’re not excited or supportive about your adventure elopement, don’t let that negativity ruin your happiness.
DON’T FORGET: You don’t owe anyone an explanation and no one has the right to be offended by how you choose to get married.
No one has the right to be offended by how you choose to get married. Marriage is extremely personal and it’s your choice for what that looks like. I personally believe that there is nothing wrong with a loved ones’ desire to witness your day. But, it’s not acceptable for them to be upset and unsupportive of your decisions. If they are truly upset and reflect their emotions in a negative or toxic way, set healthy boundaries until they come to an understanding.
As an adventure elopement photographer, I am here for you 100% of the way. I don’t just take pride in taking your photos, I help take away any stress by planning your elopement timeline, location scouting for you, and coming up with ideas that will prevent offending any family members. It’s YOUR wedding day. You call the shots!
More Elopement Inspiration & Resources
Hey, I’m Kelcee!
I would love to be your ADVENTURE elopement photographer
I’ve been capturing elopements since 2021, and it’s my passion to help adventurous couples like you create the perfect wedding day.
Your elopement is a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and you deserve the support to make it uniquely yours. Together, we’ll create quality memories that beautifully tell your love story, lasting a lifetime.
